5 Things We Never Knew About Jan
by StrawberryPajamas
Summary: Jan knows more than what we give her credit for. set around the client thru baby shower and possibly beyond
1. Chapter 1

_I always wished the people of the office would've wrapped up Jan's character a little better, so I decided to write a little 5 things bit about one of our favorite returning guest stars!:) I'm writing each thing in separate chapters cuz their kinda longer than normal. So I'll update as fast as I can... _

Disclaimer: I own a dwight bobblehead, but nothing really to sue me over.

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I. She lied about the reason for her divorce.

She was a natural-born workaholic. Even when she was a child, she always had to keep herself occupied. Her parents signed her up for every possible extracurricular, and from that she learned how to deal with all kinds of stress. She remembers in high school, when the pressure got to be too much, she would knaw at her fingertips. This was a bad idea, seeing as she took guitar lessons, and the pain got to be too annoying to continue. She eventually dropped music, and her fingertips eventually began to heal. She then just focused on acedemics and sports; emphasis on the sports. She absolutely loved volleyball. It was her life, and she wished she could center her whole world around it. Her parents knew she liked volleyball, but they had no idea she was so invested in it. That's why it was such a shock to them when, in her junior year, she approached them and told them she was going for a volleyball scholarship into college. Her father was absolutely furious. He put his foot down, saying that no daughter of his was going to slack off of her studies and hope to get into a good college because of pointless ball-playing abilities. This turned into screaming fights and tears and sleepless nights, until finally she was forced to immerse herself into her studies, focusing solely on them. She joined several clubs, the yearbook staff, the newspaper, anything to get her ready for college. Over time she slowly forgot about her volleyball dream, and in senior year she finally dropped it and replaced it with some other nameless club without another thought. She worked very hard for the rest of her high school life and ended up going to Princeton. By then she was used to keeping herself completely busy with work, and she did nothing but study. She probably would have stayed in her dorm forever with her nose buried in a book if her roommate, Susannah, wasn't such a party animal. Susannah always dragged her to every party, whether it was against her will or not.

A party was where she met Gould. And that was where the idea was born.

He was sweet and handsome and charming, much like some of the other guys she dated. But something about him was different. Much different. She couldn't explain what, but she liked it immediately. She and him chatted for most of the party, and he asked her out for coffee the next day, which she happily accepted.

Before she knew it, they were a couple. He was funny and smart and seemed to adore everything about her. Going out with him seemed to cool her off a bit, for now she had a social life with her almost overbearing work life. He helped her relax and have fun for the first time since high school. Two months into dating, he said he loved her, and she loved him too. It was like a fairytale, and that was when she knew she would get her happily ever after with Gould.

He was her volleyball.

Six months and he asked her to marry him, and she said yes. It was a dream come true.

After college she and him moved to New York and got jobs at the Lehman Bros. Corporate building. She was an administrative assistant and he was a sales manager. They had enough money to buy a relatively nice apartment, and they were starting to feel at home.

When they started working together, she felt that deep, hidden desire taking over her. The desire that completely changed her personality and drove her to do the strangest things. The change wasn't sudden; in fact she doesn't think that he even noticed a change in her for quite awhile. It began building during their first year of marriage and manifested into actions during their second. She would dress in low-cut tops and pencil skirts that got shorter and shorter. When she visited her husband on the second floor (she worked on the ninth) she gave up sitting on the chair and instead splayed herself seductively on his desk when they talked. The other men noticed her, she saw, but Gould would treat her exactly the same; like she was still his perfectly normal, modest wife. She loved being his wife, don't get her wrong. She just wished she looked more attractive to him and not just to the perverts he worked with.

Over the months she took even more drastic action. She began visiting him eight or nine times a day, playing with his tie and ruffling his hair and flirting. At least twice a week, she'd drag him into the supply closet and fool around. She paid the secretary to cover up their absences and aviod certain spots on certain days.

It was exciting. It was bad. It was _fun._

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Gould was slowly and steadily getting more and more annoyed by her behavior. He hid it at first, thinking that it was just some sort of phase she was going through. When she became more erratic, he pretended that he was having fun, flirting back whenever she came to his office and going along with it during her supply closet escapades. He figured he could deal with it as long as he had her, and that was what mattered, right?

He loved her, but he was not in love with this side of her.

This went on for three and a half years; their first three and a half years of marriage obscured and ruined by ridiculous sexual fantasies and disgusting behavior. He knew deep down she wouldn't turn back to that sweet girl he met in New Jersey, but he hated to admit it. He hated admitting he was falling out of love with the sexual monster that took over his wife. He took her to his therapist, hoping he would help her. But she just ended up showing him their sex tapes, asking him what they could improve. Horribly embarressed, Gould quit therapy and accepted the inevitable.

The Jan Levinson he once knew and loved was gone.

He still had to try though, right? She was his wife, and she deserved a second chance. She deserved as many as he could give. He wanted to start over and have a new life with her; to leave this monster behind. He found two open jobs at the Dunder Mifflin Corporate office, and talked her into leaving Lehman Brothers. She obviously didn't care what job she had as long as she worked with him. They moved to the other side of Manhatten and got settled in a new apartment and new neighborhood, leaving everything behind.

After a month of working at Dunder Mifflin, she had become just as erratic as she was at their old company. He asked her not to visit him so many times a day and to please, _please _stop dragging him to the supply closet. That seemed to push her off the edge and she stopped speaking to him other than to drag him into the supply closet at least five times a week and be more vicious than ever.

There was only one choice left now. And it broke his heart...

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He broke her heart. She didn't understand why he suddenly said that they wanted different things; that she wasn't the girl he had married. He had hurt her terribly, and she desperately wanted him to give her another shot. She cried, begging him between sobs not to do this. That she would do anything.

He was quietly adamant, and she sobbed harder for both of them.

When the divorce was final, he moved back to New Jersey, obviously attempting to start his life over again. She stayed at Dunder Mifflin and once again completely immersed herself in her work. She worked her way up to sales, to boss, then to boss's boss. She never talked to anyone at work about her divorce, but some people (Michael) were stupid enough to ask. She knew it was her fault for it; her disgusting and erratic fantasies drove her husband away from her. The guilt was almost unbearable, and she hated herself for it.

She lied and said that they didn't agree about children. That seemed like a common reason for divorce, and went along with it.

That lie, and work, kept her mind off the guilt.

Like she said, she was a natural-born workaholic.

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_So please review!!!! I know this kind've started off as Jan's life story, but there is more to come._


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks again for all of the reviews!:) _

_Okay, here's the second thing we didn't know about Jan. This story is dedicated to all the people on fanfiction who love how Jim and Pam's relationship started out, and the loyal fans who stuck with them and Dwangela and Relly to the very end._

_Okay I'm getting sappy. Hope you enjoy...:)_

Disclaimer: I don't own the office. Duh.

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II. She knew about Jim's secret.

It was a creepy, intrusive, rather unethical hobby she had. But scoping out office romances was too much fun to even consider stopping.

She had started this back when she was first promoted to boss's boss. The stress and responsibilities of the new job proved to be excruciatingly difficult, and she desperately needed something to help her unwind. The CFO, Randall, had used sex, but Jan had been trying to regain her dignity since her divorce. That also left drugs and booze out of the question, so she was forced to be creative.

She thought of this 'snooping' idea while she was visiting Scranton for a meeting with Michael and found herself becoming curious on how some of these people were able to bear working there. Before she knew it, she found herself looking for these secret relationships whenever she visited one of the branches. Each had at least one fascinating little story to pry and poke out of hiding and into her brain to replenish her office gossip fix.

In a matter of weeks, she was addicted.

All of the juiciest office romances came from Scranton. She found that out immediately. Well, maybe not juicy, but definitely more dysfunctional than she herself was with relationships. There was that temp, Ryan, who was dating the annoying Indian girl from customer service, Kelly. She obviously rarely got a guy to tolerate her, let alone date her, and it showed on her face whenever she was around Ryan.

_Poor temp_, she thought, because he obviously had no idea what he was getting into.

Dwight from sales and Angela from accounting. Wow, she never would have put those two together, but yet all the signs were there: the sideways glances, the constant back-to-back conversations in the kitchen, the "neutral" comments to each other that were actually extremely obvious. Their coworkers would have to be blind not to see what they got going on.

Weirdly enough, this Dwight and Angela, (uh...romance?) was not the most interesting one in Scranton, or in any other branch even.

It was Pam the receptionist and Roy from the warehouse. They've been engaged for several years, and apparently they've been dating for a good ten years. By themselves their relationship was pretty boring. It was clear the flame of their romance flickered out and died long ago. He was apparently very ignorant of her feelings, and she just wasn't happy with him. No, the thing that made their relationship interesting was Jim from sales. She saw one of Pam and Jim's little pranks they liked to pull on Dwight, and saw that deliciously familiar spark. At first, her thoughts strayed to the worst: that Pam was having an affair with Jim. She believed it for a time, too. But as she visited Scranton more often, none of the signs were there for an inter-office fling. They never sneaked off anywhere by themselves, they didn't talk "code" or anything, and they actually seemed kind've awkward around each other and not all elusive like lovers usually are.

She came up with the conclusion that she had absolutely no idea what was going on between those two.

What the hell? She _never_ got stumped! Why were these people being so damn hard to read? She found herself focusing solely on these two employees and nobody else for a time, noticing little things that she hoped would paint some sort of picture: The way he glanced up at reception. The way they ever-so-casually flirted each other. The way they spent their time joking around and messing with Dwight. Were they just friends or were they lovers?

Somehow she thinks that _they_ didn't even know.

It wasn't until before a certain Women in the Workplace seminar where she finally saw the light. She was setting up for it in the conference room when there was a bout of laughter outside. She turned and saw Pam leaning on Jim's desk, her head thrown back in laughter. Jan was immediately intrigued. Jim wasn't laughing; just looking at her, his eyes alit with an adoring smile. Jan heard the phone by the receptionist desk ring and Pam stood up to answer it, leaving Jim behind, sitting at his desk and looking wistfully at her retreating figure.

Holy crap.

"Yes!" Jan whispered triumphantly, giving a small fist-pump and a self-congratulatory smile. It had taken her months to figure these two people out, and she had finally done it! She was worried that after all this hard work of snooping, that it would turn out to be nothing. But this was good.

_Very_ good.

Jim was secretly _in love_ with thereceptionist!

The _engaged _receptionist! The girl who has been in a relationship with some ignorant bastard for 10 years. The girl who had found a friend in the cute, single salesman. _This _girlmanaged to make the right guy fall in love with her. Jim was obviously a better man than Roy, and he understood her better. But Pam gave off the air of someone who always played it safe; someone who never took a serious chance. She wouldn't have left Roy for Jim, even if she did know. Right now she couldn't be more oblivious.

Oh man, this was juicy...

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During the meeting Jan noticed that Pam liked to draw. She should have been taking notes, but it was worth it to sacrifice quality note-taking to see this talent shine through her. It was a detail about her Jan found rather fascinating. The way she tried to hide her doodle made it seem like she was ashamed of her gift, and Jan knew this insecurity had "Roy" written all over it.

She had the pamphlet at the ready. She waited till everyone had a chance to tell her their dreams before she pointedly asked Pam what hers were.

She said something about wanting a terrace where she could plant flowers before she got to something Jan hoped she would.

"...and, I love to draw." Pam said with finality, and Jan was seeing her chance. "I would love to do something with art or graphic design in some way..."

"She's real good," Phyllis directed at Jan, who didn't need telling twice.

"You know the company is starting a Design Training Program in New York." she offered the pamphlet, and Pam looked wary. She made excuses as Jan knew she would, but she wasn't about to give up. She tried to press the matter, but Pam seemed adamant not to take the chance.

She seemed never to take any chances at all.

"There's always a million reasons not to do something." Jan said quietly, not only referring to her art. Pam pressed her lips together slightly and gave a small nod. She accepted the pamphlet, and Jan was satisfied. Maybe she was just getting soft, or maybe she was getting too invested in this little hobby. She just hoped she had helped Pam move forward in her career.

She couldn't have been more wrong.

After the meeting and after everyone left she was gathering her stuff up when angry voices came from the reception area. She looked there and saw Roy and Pam having a heated argument. With a pang, Jan saw Roy brandishing the pamphlet in front of Pam's face, who looked defeated. Roy handed her the pamphlet and stalked out the door, leaving behind a crestfallen Pam and a humiliated Jan.

Things only got worse after that. Jan was alone in the bathroom trying to recover slightly from her embarressing meeting with the women. when she heard voices outside. Her eyes widened as she heard Jim's disappointed voice cut throught her like a knife.

"So you're not doing it." It wasn't a question.

Pam was obviously in the kitchen too, and of course Jan was absorbed in their conversation like she was in the rest of their lives. She held her breath, listening.

"How did you know?"

Small pause. "Why not?" It was barely a whisper, and Jan almost couldn't hear it.

"Just, like, no big reason. Just a bunch of little reasons. Roy's right, there's no guarantee its going to lead to anything anyway."

Jan could feel Jim's suppressed anger through the closed door. "Roy said that." Again, not a question.

Pam obviously noticed something wrong. "What, you have something you wanna say?"

"You gotta take a chance on something sometime Pam. I mean do you want to be a receptionist here, always?"

"Oh excuse me! I'm fine with my choices!" she was growing indignant.

"You are?"

A split second pause. "Yeah," she said without much conviction.

Jan waited for more to come, but it never did. There were loud footsteps and a door slamming. A minute later there were softer steps and a door closing quietly.

Jan felt a sudden swoop of sadness clench at her stomach and she suddenly didn't feel the need to move. She would have stayed here in this bathroom, forever, just feeling sorry for Jim and Pam. If that's what it took to make them see the light, she would.

She thought about her ex-husband and how she could never hate him. She had truly loved him, and you can never hate those you once loved. She was just thankful that she could spend those happy few years with him, even if it was temporary. Life was short, and the good times never last, she knew.

_You should make the most of them_, she thought as she took a shaky breath and relunctantly walked out of the bathroom and into the world.

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_I love reviews very much!! If you could give me one you'll be making my day:)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey! Here's my third installment of the story of Jan, so enjoy!:_

Disclaimer: Okay, I admit it, I don't own the office. But I would if I could...

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III. She knew Jim wasn't supposed to get the transfer back to Scranton.

She pretended not to know. She pretended she had no idea why he suddenly approached her and asked for the transfer. She pretended she thought it was Michael's fault that he had had enough. She pretended she was thrilled he had decided to go to Stamford.

She was good at pretending.

In reality, she understood completely why Jim wanted the transfer, and it broke her heart. She knew he either had to try to coax Pam away from Roy, or simply give up. He chose the latter when he handed in the transfer papers.

She knew, deep down, he should have chosen to give up the moment he found out she was engaged.

***

She remembers that Casino Night at the Scranton branch like remembering some horrible nightmare. She had only agreed to go when she finally put two and two together with the whole Jim/Pam problem. He was about to transfer, and she was about to get married. This would be their last party, and Jim knew it even if she didn't.

Jan had to see what would happen, even if it wasn't her place. Even if it was like walking into the haunted house as the clock struck midnight.

She had rushed down there, not caring in the slightest what her outfit looked like, and ended up hanging around Michael the entire time. She was not really sure why she couldn't find one of the two people she was looking for, and decided to slip outside for a smoke. Of course, one of the people she had been looking for all night had suddenly turned up. She remembers their conversation like it was the slow, suspensful, "don't-open-that-door" moment in her Casino Night Horror Flick:

"_Hey," Jim said, leaning against a car Jan was smoking by. She couldn't believe her luck. She offered him a smoke, which he refused._

"_You, uh, having fun?" he asked, making small-talk._

"_A _fabulous_ time," she whispered with a ghost of a smile, and he chuckled. She took another drag._

"_I drove two and a half hours to come here." she informed him, not really caring she was making him uncomfortable. She just needed to vent."Yeah, left work early...drove down here...and I am completely underdressed!"_

"_Oh I think you look great," Jim said politely, which she chose to ignore. Something else was eating her._

"_Why did I hook up with Michael?" She asked, mostly thinking out loud. She honestly didn't know how she felt about Michael. And she brought an overnight bag, just in case things turned in his favor. Jim was obviously thinking it over._

"_Yeah, why did you?" he sounded utterly confused as to why she did, and she suddenly registered he was there. She silently cursed herself for not immediately digging up some dirt about the Pam thing when he came up to her._

"_It was late, Jim. Very late..." she said lamely. She paused slightly for effect._

"_Did you give any more thought to the transfer?"_

_He stared at the ground with wide, contemplative eyes. She knew she had made him suddenly think some things over. "Yeah," he said without much conviction in his voice._

"_Good," she said quietly. She couldn't take it anymore. "Have you told anybody?" She secretly hoped he told Pam. He had to have told her._

"_No," he muttered, leaving Jan slightly dejected._

"_Well, you should," she said pointedly. He was silent._

***

"Thank you, Jim." she said just now, as he handed her a folder of his paperwork. Jim merely nodded before walking out of Josh's office and into the regular working area.

Jan closed the door behind him and closed the blinds so she was completely alone. Josh had gone out to Corporate to negotiate his resignation, and Jan used his empty office to set up shop for the day. She was scrambling all week, trying to change dates and transfers and all this other crap she was jumping through hoops for. She silently cursed Josh for doing this to her and the company. It was a really crumby and fucked up thing to do, and he didn't deserve to get a higher-paying job out of it.

She sat down at the desk and looked down at Jim's paperwork in front of her. Josh had recommended Jim as the Assistant Regional Manager of Scranton, but she knew that was only because he was a complete suck-up. Also she was reluctant to take any of Josh's advice.

If she really, _really_ looked at Jim's paperwork, she would see that his numbers had been steadily declining since he came here. His commissions were lower than they were several months ago and there were several salesmen who were easily more qualified than he was to fill the position of Assistant Regional Manger.

She knew he was depressed. She knew he missed her terribly. She knew that he still loved her.

It was the darkest hour of her life, telling the salesman who was supposed to get the position of Assistant Regional Manager in Scranton that he would be getting a severence package. She felt horrible and disgusting and evil later that day when she signed Jim Halpert as the new Assistant Regional Manager. And she felt even worse as she stood up in front of the entire office and announced the transfers; seeing his face when she read off his name.

But if given the choice a second time, she would have done it all over again. Because everyone deserves a second chance. Right?

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_So please review!! I'm going on vacation soon, so it might be a bit before i can put more installments in:( Im gonna miss writing for you guys..._


	4. Chapter 4

_Hey everybody!Thank you for all of your totally awesome reviews! They're the reason why I write:) I'm going on vacation soon, so I won't be able to write for a bit. Sorry:( I decided to quickly add this fourth thing so I can put all my focus on the last thing when I come back. Sound good???_

_Here's the fourth thing. Enjoy!!_

Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks I own the office is an ignorant, dumb...person.

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IV. She knew the day would come where she would get fired.

She didn't think it was even possible to sabotage everything in your own life. I mean, some people at some points can be pretty self-destructive. Even herself-- and she liked to think of herself as pretty well put-together. Well, of course, she had given up on herself with the volleyball thing. But come on, how often do people base their life off of _volleyball_? It was actually kind've a stupid dream. And besides, her parents forced her out of it, so it wasn't entirely her fault. Also there was the fact that she had practically driven her husband away from her with her weird fantasies and crude desires. _That _may have seemed pretty self-destructive, but really it wasn't (at least she convinced herself it wasn't). He was the one who left her, if she recalled correctly. It was his decision and therefore his fault.

No, she definitely not one to sabotage her own life.

But, she had to admit: hooking up with Michael Scott had ranked pretty high up there.

She didn't even mean to do it, as she hoped everyone already knew. She had been drinking and she was vulnerable from talking about her divorce with him. Not to mention she was ecstatic from him closing the account with Christian. All of that just seemed to morph into one (rather passionate) kiss in the Chili's parking lot.

It was once. It was months ago. So why was she still feeling this way?

Maybe she did self-destruct, just a little. What did she know, she was obviously still in denial about it, for the most part. She still felt affection toward Michael because everything else in her life was so screwed up, and she felt the need to screw it up more. Okay, that explanation was in itself a little screwed up, but so were self-destructive tendencies, right? Whatever the hell was wrong with her, she knew it wasn't going to end well.

She knew it was going to end with her getting fired.

It didn't start with Michael; she's actually not entirely sure how it started. She just knew that she was going to get fired. It wasn't like a guess or something, no. It just made sense. She knew someone in the building must've found out about her...well, _misconduct_ I guess you could call it, with Gould all those years back. She also did some pretty unprofessional things around the building now. Like smoke constantly in her office or shop online. Or gossip every Wednesday with the girls on the third floor about office flings (she was the founding member, and only focused on corporate flings. She kept the branch romances a secret). Also she never stopped dressing like when Gould was still around.

The weird thing was, the thought of getting fired never really bothered her.

Of course, she _acted_ bothered by it if asked. She would feign nervousness and claim to work harder in the future. But, deep down, she just accepted the fact and didn't really do anything to change it. It was like that weird sort of inevitability a terminal cancer patient has; they've accepted the fact that they're going to die. To anyone else it would have been scary as hell, but to her it was just something that was going to happen. Something she couldn't do anythng about.

Okay, that way of thinking about things may seem a little too optimistic, but it was how she felt. If she had to choose between miserable with a job or happy with being unemployed, she would choose the latter in a heartbeat. Smoking in her office made her happy, online shopping made her happy, gossip made her happy...

And yes, even Michael made her happy.

It was probably a fear of being unhappy that made her the way she was. A fear of things going back to what they were when Gould first left her. It's probably why she sabotages herself. It's probably why she turned down Michael after that first kiss.

It was probably why she focused on fixing a certain salesman's and a certain receptionist's happiness and taking focus off of her own.

True happiness hardly ever comes in a lifetime, and she keeps trying to make up for it with the tiny, superficial happinesses in life. That may sound incredibly depressing, but if she felt happy for the time being, she was going to hold onto that for as long as she possibly could...

***

It was a crazy day, the day she got fired.

On any other day, she would have calmly asked David what the reason was for her termination. She would have looked down and nodded sadly. She would have went to her office, gathered her things, and tell anyone who came to her door what was going on. She would have called her friends from the third floor and they would have been at her side in 10 seconds flat, readying a hug or a shoulder to cry on. She would have walked out of the lobby with her head held high and box of her things flaunted like a trophy, the eyes of everyone there turned to her and full of admiration.

But this day was different.

It was different because of the painkillers she took for her surgery (a surgery she was more comfortable not talking about). They made her mood all over the place and that caused her to lash out at random times. This time was when she found out through Michael (her subordinate) that she was getting sacked. Even though she had known this day was coming for years, she felt a need to make David feel bad for what he did.

She barged in on him. She yelled. She swore. She wanted to make him suffer.

When she went back to her office, there were no sympathetic coworkers or kind words of comfort. There were just scared whispers and looks of terror through her window as she angrily threw all of her things in a box. She didn't care; she was on a roll. She got one taste of this anger and now she couldn't stop. Kind've like Michael.

As she walked out the front lobby doors, she held her head high and flaunted her box of things like a trophy. But every eye on her was not full of admiration. Instead they were like glares. They burned in the back of her skull and made her cheeks flame. She just wanted to get the hell out of there.

She wasn't exactly proud of how she acted, but she couldn't change it now. She never regretted being fired, she only regretted how she handled it.

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_Reviews are as awesome as The Office airing forever!!!!!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey readers! I'm back:)_

_Vacation was tons o' fun, but now its time to get back to business. Sorry it took so long to update, it won't happen again. Pinkyswear._

_And now, at last, the final installment of the story of Jan..._

Disclaimer: I don't own the office. I'm sorry if that's weird for you to hear, I just needed you to know. Once.

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V. She acquired some humility after she had her baby

At this time, the bright afternoon sun is shining down on the form of Jan Levinson, who is walking briskly down the streets of Scranton with a diaper bag slung over her right shoulder and a baby carrier clutched in her left hand. She's wearing a simple white t-shirt and dark wash jeans. Her hair is in a ponytail and she's wearing no make-up as she's sending smiles to the few passerby's on the sidewalk she's hurrying down.

She checks her watch: 1:58 pm. She is going to be late.

Whimpers can be heard from inside the carrier. "It's okay, sweetie. Almost there." Jan murmurs consolingly as she sees the familiar brown building loom into view to her right. She turns on her heel and heads toward the front door. A sign saying _Kimm Psychiatry _can be seen through the large front window.

"Hello Jan, welcome back!" the receptionist smiles as she sees Jan walk through the door. Her eyes travel to the bundle of blankets in the carrier. "And this must be Astrid...!"

For the next 5 minutes everyone in the lobby of the psychiatrist office coo over the little baby girl Jan brought in. They would have stayed longer if Dr. Kimm hadn't walked out of her office, looking at what all the hubbub was about.

"Okay everyone, break it up!" Dr. Kimm yells to everyone, raising her hands to help settle things down. "Give Jan some room. She just came back from a maternity leave, and I'm sure she would appreciate some space...Come in when your ready." She smiles to Jan before turning back to her office.

The group eventually breaks up, and Jan gratefully ambles towards her office, shifting the weight of the carrier to the crook of her elbow as she pushes the door open wider. She walks in and gets settled by setting her baby and the diaper bag on the black leather couch and stretching luxuriously. She had missed coming here for the last 3 months.

Dr. Kimm is shifting some papers on her desk and looks up at Jan, smiling. Her dark hair is pulled into a french braid today and her square-rimmed glasses are perched on the bridge of her nose. Her v-neck sweater and black dress pants are crisp and clean and business-like, which was probably why Jan likes her so much.

Dr. Kimm walks over and gives Jan a friendly hug, welcoming her back from her 3-month vacation. She had missed her most frequent patient. She settles herself into a cushy armchair as Jan settles onto the couch. Dr. Kimm pulls out her trusty yellow legal pad and silver pen. It's time to get down to business.

"So, Jan. How was your maternity leave?"

"Anything but restful," Jan smiles sarcastically as she opens a pocket of her diaper bag and pulls out a little white teddy bear with the name 'Astrid' written in pink embroidery across the stomach. She holds it in front of her baby girl and wiggles it slightly, issuing happy gurgling sounds to come from inside the carrier. Dr. Kimm smiles lightly.

"She's adorable. How was the actual birth for you?"

"Painful, obviously. I had a tub birth as you already know; no drugs or anything. I felt it was best for the baby, you know cause a tub is a good transition between womb and world..."

"But it probably wasn't best for you," Dr. Kimm smiles knowingly.

"Probably," Jan agrees, looking down, "but it was worth it. To bring this little miracle into the world." Jan smiles lovingly at her daughter, who was drifting off to sleep. She looks so beautiful.

"And you took a leave from your candle business after the birth?"

"Yes. I spent all of my time at home taking care of her, except when I took her to Dunder-Mifflin for a day last month. I knew Michael was interested in the birth of my child, so he arranged a baby shower in the office. I took her there so they could meet."

"But it's not his child."

"I know, but he is my ex-boyfriend. He wants what's best for me, and he knew that Astrid was important to me. Also he's always wanted a child of his own, and I guess he thought that his ex-girlfriend's sperm baby would be the closest thing to having one."

Dr. Kimm laughs. "So, other than that baby shower, what's happened over the last few months?"

"Nothing much. My new apartment is getting to be a complete mess, but I don't really mind. My neighbors come over sometimes to help out with laundry and feeding her and stuff when I'm too exhausted, so that's nice. I haven't really gone out after she was born, other than...yeah." Jan finishes by nodding.

Dr. Kimm writes something on her pad. "Well, it's nice that the neighbor's are helping out. I know that raising a child on your own can be rather difficult."

Jan smiles wearily.

"Following up on Michael: what did it feel like seeing him again?"

"It was nice. I mean, it's not like I have feelings for him anymore, but it was nice to see how he was doing and what was going on with him and stuff."

"You no longer feel a need for an office romance?"

Jan smiles, "Nope. Not for over a year. But you knew that already..."

It's Dr. Kimm's turn to smile, "I know. Just checking." They both laugh.

"When you were at the office, did you see Jim and Pam?"

"Jim was there, but not Pam. Someone mentioned she was in New York, but they didn't say why."

"You didn't ask? Or overhear anything?"

"No. Why would I?"

"Well, before your leave you always seemed so invested in their lives."

Jan blushes, "I know. I realize now how stupid and intrusive that was, and I really regret it. I would apologize to them, but that would be too weird."

Dr. Kimm scribbles something down. "Do you still liked to 'scope out romances', as you liked to put it?"

Jan is shaking her head, "No, I haven't done that since Astrid was born. I actually haven't thought about it. Maybe because I'm so preoccupied with the baby, but I don't think so. I just don't really care anymore."

Dr. Kimm smiles. "That's great!"

Jan smiles with pride as Dr. Kimm writes a note on her pad of paper. She then set her pen down and slowly takes off her glasses, setting them on her lap. She leans forward, "Jan, I know this may seem personal and a little random..."

"Yeah?" she coaxes her to continue.

"...Have you seen your ex-husband at all over your leave?"

Jan sighs. "I had a feeling you were going to ask that. I did see him actually."

Dr. Kimm's eyebrows raise.

"I ran into him in Allentown. I like going there for my grocery shopping and I saw him at a Sendiks. We chatted for a bit and went out for coffee to catch up. He absolutely adored little Astrid here." She smiled at the sleeping form of her daughter.

"You took her with you?"

"My neighbors weren't home and I couldn't find a sitter. I guess it was better that they were busy, or else Gould woudn't have met my daughter."

"What did you two talk about?"

"Mostly about how much has changed since we last saw each other. He lost some weight and his hair is slightly greyer. He said I looked different, but I don't think I do."

"Is he seeing someone?"

"No, nobody he mentioned."

"If I may be a little more personal: do you want to get back together with him?"

Jan has her answer immediately. "No, I don't. I don't think he does either. I love him; I'll always love him, don't get me wrong. But that ship has sailed."

Dr. Kimm is writing something else down, a smile curving on her lips. They're making incredible progress on her first day back. "Well, I'm glad."

Jan sees the happiness shine in her therapist's eyes, and glows. She can tell she's making progress, which is great. She had been worried that she wouldn't be the same person after her baby was born, and she was actually right. She is different. But it is a good kind of different. This difference in her is helping her make changes in her life that are necessary, but couldn't have been done with her old attitudes. And, of course, without Dr. Kimm.

"I know a lot has changed since you were last here. How are you adjusting to your new life?"

"I'm doing well. I have a healthy and beautiful baby girl, for the first time since I was fired from Dunder-Mifflin I have true friends, and my business is slowly but surely climbing the corporate ladder." Jan smiles.

"Would you say you're generally happy with your life?"

Sudden cries can be heard from inside the baby carrier; Astrid has apparently woken up. The shrieks issuing from the child are loud and annoying, and should have driven anyone crazy. But Jan does something odd; she smiles sincerely at Dr. Kimm.

"Absolutely," Jan says with admirable surety before turning all of her attention to the screaming child in the carrier.

God help her, she loves the girl who has become her life.

* * *

_There you go! I know this is the longest '5 things' bit ever, but I hope you all approve. So...please review!_


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